(LIVE IN PARIS, ’85)

               for Francis Cooke

And here we are in it, again: the uncracked geode vamping; the funnelled

hot core of a star searing its way through flesh—

and the hammer—the hammer—the exploded view—

the else-else-else always streaming

yet

among the clamour, there—there—! there are people who knew you before

you were born; people who were you; people ready to show

you love:

S with her girl sweetvoiced,

                                                            B with himself wholehearted:

if something didn’t happen—

                                             if something didn’t happen soon—

it felt like I was just gonna—

                                             like someday I was just gonna—

and he breathes out, washed red, sweaty-haired and strong-

featured, and that crowd of thousands have seen him; you’ve seen

him; it’s

               theatre—it’s pure light—it’s stray adulation—it’s not about the

girl, actually—well, it is, but it’s about the knife—it’s about the

               thing you don’t have words for—the only thing you ever want to

explain—it’s a melody dancing alone through Paris, all those Junes ago:

                                             oh oh oh

               and, oh god, it’s not that you’re dead inside;

               of all the things you might ever be, it isn’t that, and couldn’t be:

               if anything, you’re full of too much life—

too much life that’ll never see air—too much life that will—

too much life just fizzing—each cartoonish burst of your heart:

                                             I’m on

                                             I’m on

                                             I’m on                                  you can’t start a

but, really, what a treasure; what a tortured, precarious blessing;

what a cool, smooth gem in the hand—

to be wracked by potential

and able to do something about it

Tate Fountain is a writer, performer, director, and editor. She is a member of the inaugural Starling editorial committee, and acts as coordinator for samesame but different. Her poetry collection, Short Films, was released in 2022 with We Are Babies Press.